That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
