There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
