i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
