all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
