I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
