the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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