I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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