We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
