did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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