get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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