I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
