dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize