That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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