New low: just hacked my moms facebook
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
