I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
