phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
