Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
