I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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