operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
where does the pee come out of this thing
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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