that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
