Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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