when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
