I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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