I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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