i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
