Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
