First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
