please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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