Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
should my penis look like a turkey
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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