I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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