I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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