I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
