I can text with my tongue
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
