Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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