Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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