you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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