In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
