heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize