i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
