Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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