so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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