I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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