Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
