I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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