i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
