I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
