Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
