Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
