you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
