I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
