good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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