This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
