what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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