so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
