remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
worst night to have a conscience
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.