I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.