I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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