Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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