VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize