i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
