Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
