Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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