I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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