Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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