We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
