Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she looked like the before picture.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
