I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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