Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
