12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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