I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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