Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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